Being good enough.

What does being ‘good enough’ mean to you? Do you feel ‘good enough’? A good enough parent, wife, husband, worker?

Are there days when you feel that your ‘good enough’ just isn’t enough? Especially at this time of year when we are all struggling to do enough for everyone, to make sure no-one is left out of our time, affection and attention. Have we done enough? Are there times in your life when you just don’t feel worthy? That your best is not enough? And when we feel like this all of our hard work feels like it’s for nothing and we are left feeling bad about ourselves.

In childhood we are given messages from our carers that we internalise. We may not even be aware of these messages. They may not be explicit. These are the messages of our family that we absorb. They may be rules like; “if you work hard in school then you will succeed (and I will be proud of you and then you will be worthy of my love”) or “If you are a good girl and help your mother then you are a good person (but if you are noisy, messy, sullen then you are not a good girl…you are bad and unworthy”) The message in brackets are the implicit messages that we absorb, internalise and the rules that we take into adulthood.

Ask yourself, what are your rules that you live your life by? When you are not feeling good enough or worthy then ask yourself why. “Why do I feel like a crummy mother or wife today? Whose standards am I having to live by? Are these my standards or messages that are passed down from childhood that no longer serve me”?

Asking yourself and reflecting on these difficult questions can possibly lead to our understanding of those moments when we do not feel that we are enough or worthy. And then, reflect on this; just possibly what you are doing IS enough. It may not be perfect but it’s good enough. How does that thought sit with you?

At this time of year take care of yourself. You have worked hard to make Christmas special for loved ones. It may not be the perfect Christmas. We sometimes drop the ball and mess up. But your best is good enough. And that’s more than ok.

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